So here I am. It’s late in the evening, my fiance is away for his bachelor party weekend with the guys, the kids are fast asleep from their fun day grocery shopping and visiting-the-grandparents-with-mom day. I would like to take a time out from the hectic day to day responsibilities and just sit down and write an honest post about my future husband and our relationship these days. Here goes nothin’!
It’s 11 years and counting since we’ve met, and just a couple months less than that, that we have been dating. It hasn’t always been all ‘hearts & flowers’ (to quote the super trendy E.L James novel I’m sure the ladies will know). We started dating when I was heading into junior year of high school, he-his senior year. There were plenty of ons & sort-of-offs; fights and jealousies. In the first about, 5 years, I grew to resent those times, even though my now-fiance kept telling me that no matter what happened, in the end it would make us stronger. Teenager that I was kept denying that fact as I always thought for my whole life that a relationship was supposed to be like a Disney princess movie. It never occured to me that some day I wouldn’t go riding off into the sunset with my prince to our beautiful Cinderella style castle. I of course watched The Little Mermaid and Cinderella one too many times, but that’s a blog post for another day. Moving on…
During the rough times through those years and even on up through the births of our 2 beautiful daughters, we would always come to a point in a heated conversation where he would say, ‘we aren’t compatible, we are completely different.’ Back in the day I would always want to disagree with that statement because I thought that being completely different than one another was a bad thing and meant that we shouldn’t be together. Now as we grow older together, experience all that life has thrown at us regarding our children, finances, daily struggles in life, family, etc., I realize that for us personally- it is a WONDERFUL thing. Let me explain in further detail.
For me personally, my husband is everything I wish that I could be. He is lively, outgoing, charismatic, charming and silly. In a business sense he is smart, loyal and motivated; hardworking almost to a fault. During family time he is as fun as can be yet gets things accomplished. I often watch in amazement (while he thinks I’m staring off into space or in another room cleaning), while he playfully swings our girls in his arms as they giggle to the point of hiccups. Then somehow he transitions that into a laundry-folding-dance-party to our favorite adult tunes that the kids have a newfound love for (why don’t they love it during my karaoke sessions on the car ride to school?!). Somehow, this kind of thing never happens for me. My days with the kids seem to happen like I am going through an acted out to-do list. Diaper, bottle, breakfast, potty time for #2, brush teeth time, poopy diaper change, snack time in the middle of mommy-tries-do-the-dishes-time, someone spills snack all over kitchen floor and tromps it all the way to the bedroom and smashes the crumbs into the rugs which leads to mommy vaccuum time in the middle of dishes time, and it goes on. I also feel like I haven’t found my nitche in the business world and I work just as hard as the next guy but I don’t go way above and beyond like I should. He makes me strive to be a better person and mother. A better friend and employee. I feel like he is constantly teaching me about myself and about others and I find myself worshipping him like my own personal philosopher. Sometimes when I get into a Disney princess mode about a personal tiff with a friend or a work related annoyance, he snaps me back to reality and out of my daydream. We come up with logical and sensible ways to deal with it instead of just expecting people to be something they are not, or situations to disappear if I ignore them long enough. As much as I want my love fest for my husband to continue, I’d also like to believe that I am complimentary to his personality traits as well.
I am observant, quiet, goofy and loving. I believe that we should work to live and not live to work. I like to go see and conquer the world and he is more of a homebody, content on our tiny patio having a chat under the stars (or the balcony above us). I am a human scheduler, often reminding the family of meal time and appointment time. If it were up to my loving loverpants, the family may grow up on McGMO’s Hashbrown breakfasts and salami sandwiches. If he is having an issue with a relative or friend or coworker, I am the one who looks beyond the exterior. I read into and analyze situations and people in a way that he does not. I am the handyman of the house, the pest control, and the main boo-boo mender. Taking all of these (& more) differences into account, we have been able to turn a would be struggle into a learning experience. The fact that we continue to accept, learn, grow and most of all love eachother for what we are as human beings and not instead for what we dreamt up with the help of another persons idea in cartoon form (damn you Disney!), or how we think society is telling us our relationship should be, is the reason we are getting married in two weeks. As we see and know, divorce and separation, bitterness and resentment is all too common in the world these days. I believe that if all people were to truly open their hearts and minds, unguard themselves & forget all of the relationship/love propaganda of yesteryear, we may see a change in those stats. Sometimes it’s easier for people to walk away than to really try to truly understand their partner or to concede and see things in a different light. Sometimes it’s easier for someone to find comfort somewhere else than it is to hash out their differences and work it out and have those difficult conversations. We’ve had plenty of those conversations and I’m sure we will have plenty more but I know that because of our differences, not in spite of them, we will forge our path through a loving marriage. Sometimes people, our differences are what keeps us together. Some of us are too focused on the wrong things to take a step back and notice it. Some may be too stubborn to accept it.
To my soon to be husband, I love you with all of my heart and with everything that I am. I love all of the ways that you push me and teach me. I love that you are everything that I wish I could be and I hope that I am that to you. I can’t wait for 85 more years of learning, loving, and creating our family memories. All those times you said the hard times just make us stronger, you were right. We are stronger than ever and it can only continue from here. We make eachother better people in ways I never even thought possible and I can’t even begin to thank you for just simply being you. Every single day I am a better person because of you. I love you more than I can verbally or physically express. I can’t wait for 9-6-13.